Random Thought to Theory (#1)

RANDOM THOUGHT...:

I am most tempted away from being intimate with a friend, girlfriend, God, etc., when I don't feel adequate for and/or accepted by that person.

Viz. reflect on the times in your life when you've seriously "dropped the ball" in a relationship and felt completely ashamed and wanting to hide. Recall a time when you've shared a quiet joy and/or deeply important thought/feeling of yours with someone you consider a close friend, your "significant other," etc., only to have it dismissed, ignored, or put down; you then feel less safe about sharing anything as intimate with that person again.


...TO THEORY:

The number one cause of infidelity in any relationship is insecurity/low self-esteem [in at least one area] in an individual's sense of identity/self-confidence.

Viz. consider the area(s) in your own heart that scream(s) or silently beg(s) for validation, acknowledgment, affirmation, approval, acceptance and ultimately - intimacy.



...What do you think about that?
...Would you agree?

Discipleship Thought...

(This was an incomplete post from last month...)

As usual, a question spawned in my wee brain while reading Oswald Chambers today. Would you agree with the following statement that Chambers makes in 'MY UTMOST FOR HIS HIGHEST' on JUNE 19th?

"[Christian] Discipleship is based on devotion to Jesus Christ [a person], not on adherence to a belief or a creed."

(The [stuff in the brackets] is mine.) ...I agree with that statement.

BELOW IS THE EXAMPLE I USED TO WORK THIS STATEMENT OUT FOR MYSELF:

1) The "person" is JESUS and I am the "disciple". JESUS could, or can change and alter within Time, as I do and must.

2) SCRIPTURE (a "belief or creed"), on the other hand, is written and unchangeable. (I.e. to say that it's a collection of papers with ink on them.) While it can be applied in many different ways, it's wisdom can be foolishness when applied in the wrong way, or at the wrong time. That is how the HOLY SPIRIT comes into play (I believe) - He's in the timing of things; He makes the Scriptures come to life.

3) JESUS, being one and the same with the HOLY SPIRIT, has the ability (so-to-speak) to 'alter within Time' for and/or with me; He leads me.

4) Therefore, a true disciple must be one that is fully, first and foremost devoted to the person and not the creed. I must be fully, first and foremost devoted to JESUS and not SCRIPTURE, if only because Time exists and I am stuck in it. That is to say, that my understanding, therefore my application of SCRIPTURE is only as wise as to how and when I am led by the HOLY SPIRIT to use it.

...Does that make sense?
...What do you think?
...Could Chambers' definition of what determines discipleship to be true discipleship apply to all forms of discipleship?

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Praying Again

Once again, it's been quite a while since I last posted. I'm obviously not nearly as committed to this thing as I'd like to be, but such is life, eh. 

Life's been a little nutty lately to say the least. Work is both awesome and crazy right now. We are getting quite busy moving toward our next production and attempting to develop at least 3 - 4 others at the same time. It is great as it challenges my abilities to stay on top of it all along with the regular running-abouts of being an assistant. I'm also attempting to develop some projects with friends in my "spare time." Along with all of that is the rest of my personal life, like having just moved closer to work and church and my wonderful girlfriend, learning how to be a better boyfriend and move forward in our relationship, friends struggling with their broken hearts and acting like fools, unexpected and expensive bills, and learning to come to God again and again. I am writing this all out not to bore you with the business of what is probably not untypical in the life of a twenty-something year old man, but more to bring you to understand that my being a little anxious and stressed as of late makes a little since. All of this brought me to a new revelation a few days ago, one that is so simple and yet completely profound for me.

I was praying at the time. Not like on your knees, head to the ground and deeply focused praying, but the kind of prayer that you do when you're paused for a moment in the business of life and you just need to talk to someone... so you pray. 

ADHD SIDE NOTE #1: I've always struggled, if not battled with TIME (not the magazine). One of my favorite poems is T.S. Eliot's "The Hollow Men". On of my favorite Toad The Wet Sprocket songs is "Whatever I Fear". One of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes deals directly with time: "For the Present is the point at which time touches eternity." ("The Screwtape Letters") I have always been in awe at the concept of an omniscient God who works within time with half-finite beings, allowing us some form of will and yet He Himself is not, so to speak, bound by either. I love those confusing, seemingly contradictory conundrums about God.

Anyway, back to where I was a few days ago...

Praying. I was praying to God in that way that you talk to a friend when you aren't looking for anything more than to just be open and honest and attempt to let go of some of the weight on your heart. 

ADHD SIDE NOTE #2: For a long time I've felt prayer as both a burden and a blessing. The former is my focus and it came in two ways. First, it was shame for having not prayed recently or consistently enough. Secondly, it became a burden of time where I would depress myself by thinking I had to pray for everything, every-time, all at once. I would be thinking or praying about myself, then my girlfriend, a family member, my whole family, work, friends at work, friends at church, the Church, the community, the city, the state, etc. (you see where I'm going with this). It wasn't actually every-time and it definitely wasn't always that extreme. Nonetheless, I would over think and stress and/or depress myself away from praying (the complete opposite reaction that I should have had (Phil. 4:4-9)). 

So I was praying... 

I was telling God what's going on and that I need some serious help and some serious peace and freedom from my stress when He suddenly and immediately gave it to me (I wish I wasn't so surprised by that anymore):

"You don't have to pray for everything on your mind all at once Dan. I know you. I know your heart. I know what you need and I know what everyone else needs. I am a good God and I am a great God and I will provide. Let it go." (It wasn't actually audible and there weren't any burning bushes, but it was as clear to me as sunlight.)

So that's it. That's the simple point of this rather wordy, drawn-out blog entry. 

In that one simple moment I realized it is okay to prioritize my prayers. 

It's okay if I don't pray about everything for everyone, every single time I pray. It's okay if I even forget things. It's okay because God doesn't forget things. It's okay because God isn't bound by time like me and He's the one I'm offering these petitions and prayers to and He's the one who is sovereign over all Creation. And that is okay because He is the Author of Love and Grace and He loves to remind us of that by showing it. 

I've always known that prayer needs to be a priority, but by a slight shift of word placement my prayer life changed drastically and for the best. 

 

~Thank God for His kind patience with us, both in waiting on our repentance and even more so in kindly waiting on revealing to us what we need to repent from. May He bless you this week as you learn to let go of yourself into His kind and strong hands.~