Fear of Life

The moment I fell in love with God my fear of death began to diminish. The reason for this came with the assurance I held in the confidence of the covenant that had been made with me by someone who would bereave himself of his own identity and in my stead undertake an eternity of constant separation from Love Himself, in order to bring me eternal joy through a new heritage and an everlasting love. For me, death became the beginning of the eternal farewell to all my fears, anxieties, worries and brokenness.

Life became (although temporal) the constant confrontation of all my fears, anxieties, worries and brokenness.

I am confronted by a quote from Lewis' The Screwtape Letters:

"Let them do anything but act."

I am confronted by the story of the servant with one talent (Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:12-27).

I am confronted by T.S. Eliot's The Hollow Men.

I am confronted by the warning of being "lukewarm" (Revelations 3:14-22).

I am confronted by another Toad' song, Whatever I Fear:

"Whatever I fear the most is whatever I see before me
Whenever I let my guard down, whatever I was ignoring
...Whatever I have been given, whatever I have been

Did we expect these things to change

By waking up and suddenly there they are
And all I needs a starting place
And nothing ever seemed so hard..."

However, despite my own fear, self-pity and self-condemnation, I take heart...

2 Corinthians 3:7-11 (NIV)

"Now if the ministry that brought death, which was engraved in letters on stone, came with glory, so that the Israelites could not look steadily at the face of Moses because of its glory, fading though it was, will not the ministry of the Spirit be even more glorious? If the ministry that condemns men is glorious, how much more glorious is the ministry that brings righteousness! For what was glorious has no glory now in comparison with the surpassing glory. And if what was fading away came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts!"

Despite my worry and my shame, I step forward...

1 John 1:5; 4:16b, 18a, 19 (NIV)

"God is light; in him there is no darkness at all."

"God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in him."

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment."

"We love because he first loved us."

Despite my anxieties, I act...

1 John 5:3-5 (NIV)

"This is love for God: to obey his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God."

Mark 9:24 (NIV)

"...help me overcome my unbelief!"

Despite my brokenness, I repeat that same cry of a desperate father pleading for the healing of his beloved son and

I overcome.

Pray Your Gods

"I will give the secrets you request
And you will be the one to sacrifice
So lay your olive arms upon my breast
And sing the poems, free the butterflies

Pray your gods who ask you for your blood
For they are strong and angry jealous ones
Or lay upon my altar now your love
I fear my time is short
There are armies moving close
Be quick, my love

I feel my body weakened by the years
As people turn to gods of cruel design
Is it that they fear the pain of death
Or could it be they fear the joy of life

Pray your gods who hold you by your fear
For they are quick and ruthless punishers
Or lay upon my altar now your love
I fear my day is done
There are armies moving on
Be quick, my love"

-Toad The Wet Sprocket

It Has Begun...

So, under the continued peer pressure of my dear friend and writer of the blog entitled "Watershed of Alibis," I have finally succumbed to partake in the world of blogging.

It has been quite some time since I've written anything into a journal. It's been an even longer time since I've written anything into a journal worth reading. I am hoping this blog will encourage me in that endeavor.

I have little to nothing to offer you right now, but cheer-up buckaroos because there is much to come.

In the meantime, sleep well and learn something from "Watershed of Alibis."

Adieu.